“Before the bell rings, remain in your seats. Please don’t gather around my door like pigs at a trough.”

“Have your parents sign this technology release form. If they’re concerned that I’m going to –I don’t know — sell you on e-bay or something, please have them call me.”

“Don’t press your face against the glass like an orphan child. It smudges.”

“Think its cold in here right now?”  *students nod* “Well start bringing a sweater because this is pretty much where the thermostat will be set all year.”

“Your textbook is your friend. Love your textbook, hug your textbook, be kind to your textbook. Or I will hurt you.”

“If you are sitting here and you didn’t do your summer work because it was too hard, or there was too much of it? Flee. Flee now.”

“Both the guys and girls restrooms are on this floor. This means that you shouldn’t need more than three, four, five minutes tops for a bathroom break. If you need longer than that you need a doctors note, not a bathroom pass.”

I’ve clearly gotten bitchier since I started teaching. Let year six begin!!